Cadburys

This one had me sniggering, who has time to make them up?

Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight. She
was from Quality Street, he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way home they
stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum. He
asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole," she said. "I'm the one
with the nuts," he thought. Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked into
a hotel and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light
for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her
Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks, then he showed
her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs. Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any
Jelly Babies so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her
Party Ring. He was quite pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was
a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled
out, his king size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more but he
needed a Time Out. However, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very
appetising. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off
by giving her a Gob Stopper. Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home
to his wife, Caramel. Sadly, he was soon to discover he had VD. It turned
out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett who apparently had Allsorts!

A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked
for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only
sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked his
manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosser wants
to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to
find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman
kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the
manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got
yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their
feet here. Where are you from son?"

"Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied.

"Why did you leave Essex?" the manager asked.

The boy answered, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex."

"No shit!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"

Both good, the first one was excellent.

For those that do not know Essex is a county in England and it's very much like a Monaco of England: Expensive, coastal and very desirable as anyone that has ventured to Bas Vegas can testify. But with identity, success and wealth comes snipping and snide and inuendo from the other, poor desperate counties that are sadly very dire and dull.

So come with me my children and dance around the streets of the historic towns of Essex and celebrate one of the only decent things about the once great England.

Dan, you're not from Essex by any chance then ?

Excleent Spur'don.. very good indeed. Sure to be circulated to friends both far and close

I think we need a new Forum section for jokes. I get about 10 a day, some are good, a lot are crap. The good ones I never know whether to forward them to people as I know some hate receiving jokes by email. If we had a Forum section then those who want to can take a look / post jokes and those that hate em can leave it alone. As IanG said recently, this Forum is getting too serious, it could do with a bit more humor!!

bad_baz wrote:

As IanG said recently, this Forum is getting too serious, it could do with a bit more humor!!