The confessional is now open......

and I thought Lord Bennycat missed the SIHK - CFC game due to sickness.

Looks like he is more than just sick...

Truth be told i've had a man cold all day and have been in bed. Praise be to Ramos, let his healing powers rain down on me...

Oh Lord BennyCat, I seek guidance for I most verily doth not know what to do. I fear I have transgressed and may be forced to continue doing so. As a person who imparteth knowledge to the young and vulnerable, I am at times forced to use a red pen. I truly beg forgiveness and guidance. Let the morning bring me word of Lord Ramos' unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

Ah my son, yet again we meet the temptation of the 'red pen'. see how it arcs across the lilywhite page, it's scarlet fingers tracing a seductive line from the top, down to the 'secret garden'. You will not be the last one to be tempted to caress and cradle the pen in your damp palm.
Let me tell you something, even Lord Ramos has been tempted, yes my child, once, when he was young, a stranger came into his village and brought with him sweets of every kind. The children flocked to him and longed to lick the sweet red lolly pops he gave out. They say he had a strange accent, slightly 'frenchish', and wore dark glasses that hid everyday occurrences from him. When asked, he would always reply 'I deed not zee it'. This man garbed in red tried to entice Lord Ramos with his goods, but our Lord pulled his flick knife on him and promised to' Make you my beeetch' if he came anywhere near him. Soon the garlic eating surrender monkey left.

What does this tell us? Well, things are sent to try us everyday, not all of us have the cahones of Lord Ramos. The best thing to do is to use a blue and white glove whenever contact is necessary and then afterwards recite 4 Glorious Galvins and 2 Angelic Ardiles. Ramos be with you.

Padre BC - Spur'd On is from Saaaarf London and he used to be a Palace fan? How can we exorcise his demons?

Bennycat wrote:

Beware the midnight knock on the door, no-one expects the White Hart Lane Inquisition!

By way of warrant, I expect a full transcript of Levy's discussion with the marketing dept. re: the ditching of the megastore's "NEVER RED" campaign at the time of signing a lucrative sponsorship deal with Mansion...

Padre BC - forgive me father for I am have done evil deeds. There is a pain in my life who goes under the name Janek. He is Polish or Portugese....it matters not for I have spent the last two days plotting his downfall. I paid several thousand dollars to two scruffy fellas who said they can 'deal' with this problem by 'extermination'. I knew not what they meant but I agreed. After I paid they said they will "slice the champagne guzzling fraudster into a 1,000 tiny pieces and leave him to rot in a pool of red blood outside Sheung Wan". Forgive me Padre BC for i know not what i have done. I worry not about that filthy scum Janek but the money spent to remove this annoying vermin was suppose to be spent on a gift to my wife. What should I do ?

Ah, the age old question rears its ugly head. Spur'd On is indeed from the unwashed, despicable area that goes under the name of 'South Londinium'. Many of the bretheren that kneel at the feet of Our Lord Ramos beckon from places that are no way near the shrine that is White Hart Lane, yet they at least are not tainted in the way the Spur'dOn is. I feel that an exorcisim is the onyt way. Let us tie him to a bed and adorn his putrid body with white sheets and have the following commentry blasted into his wax filled ears....'Is Paul Gascoigne going to have a crack? He is you know....ooooooooh, i say! ...' for at least 24hrs. That should fix him. Let Ramos be with him in this, his darkest hour.

Ooooooooo....yes please !!!!!

Young Spur'dOn, many of us have been riled by young Janeks japes and high jinx. We all know he is more annoying than some twat yelling out' Where's my washboard?' halfway through a turgid game without any sound in a deserted Thai restaurant. Yet, he is one of us, he is....family. Ramos alone knows what sort of family would have that hulking slab of champagne guzzling twat fest in it. But we do.

However if the 'deed' has been done perhaps you could offer the filthy proles clammy, hair infested hands as some kind of ashtray or ring holder. You could park a large truck in his arse crack, or even collect the fetid hair from his mis-shapen back and use it to stuff some pillows or cushions. Our Lord Ramos is not un-familiar with disposing of bodies, but the less said about that the better. If your conscience still troubles you, say 2 Angelic Austins and one Dedicated Defendi. Ramos be with you.

Bennycat wrote:

champagne guzzling twat fest

I like the sound of this...

spur'don wrote:

Padre BC - forgive me father for I am have done evil deeds. There is a pain in my life who goes under the name Janek. He is Polish or Portugese....it matters not for I have spent the last two days plotting his downfall. I paid several thousand dollars to two scruffy fellas who said they can 'deal' with this problem by 'extermination'. I knew not what they meant but I agreed. After I paid they said they will "slice the champagne guzzling fraudster into a 1,000 tiny pieces and leave him to rot in a pool of red blood outside Sheung Wan". Forgive me Padre BC for i know not what i have done. I worry not about that filthy scum Janek but the money spent to remove this annoying vermin was suppose to be spent on a gift to my wife. What should I do ?

I say to the scruffy fellas - bring it on

the last two you sent are now sleeping with the fishes off kennedy town pier...

Janek wrote:

the last two you sent are now sleeping with the fishes off kennedy town pier...

I knew it ! If you want anything done proper do it yourself. Well that was a waste of $800.

Forgive me father for i have sinned. Last night i let my wife feed our 6 month child carrots (a shade of red). The child (having blue and white blood run through her veins) then had a screaming fit for an hour and a half causing me to miss last nights SiHK football game. please forgive me.

erm....verily.....lock your wife in the stocks on the village green for letting a spurs child ingest the forbidden colour. The child is obviously true spurs, she is innocent. You on the other hand let your team mates down and caused your child unnecessary stress. Say 15 Venerable Venables and 7 Beatific Butters. Ramos be with you. Twat.

Bishop Bennycat. Verily thou knowest that the punishment thou hast administered matches not thy trangressions. Most worthily dost thou impose thyself with the chants of 15 Venerable Venables and 7 Beatific Butters. Yet this dost not suffice. To cleanse thy spririt, thou shalt dig deep into thy voluminous pockets and bring forth sufficient monies so as to furnish each of thy 11 teammates, whose very legs now ache with the passionate glory of righteous victory, with a glass of finest ale. May Ramos forgive your sins.

Since Brothers Linesmann, CK and Yeung partaketh not of the fine ale, a purchasing of 8 shall suffice. The 3 that remaineth shall be replaced with 3 Hallowed Howells.

(Said in f*ck off huge voice with a hint of spanish) THIS IS YOUR LORD RAMOS!!!!!!!! TREMBLE BEFORE ME YOU KNAVES. MY MESSENGER ON THIS EARTH, BENNYCAT, IS SORRY ENOUGH, HE DOES NOT NEED TO BUY ANY F*CKING BEERS. GET IT? I HAVE SPOKEN. (Ground stops shaking, the sun comes out again, Janek picks his champagne glass up and pours another one)

Lord Ramos,
Far be it for me to go around telling tales on my fellow parishioner....

....however I can confirm reports that our erstwhile friend el portugueser was seen out yesterday post-evensong sporting a crimson shirt. He and his fellow egg-chasers were spotted in one of the seedier corners of Wanchai guzzling larger from a large golden chalice, in all their scarlet finery. (I just happened to get lost on my way to the library which is how I found my way in there).

Now I only tell you this in the strictest confidence so that you can try to lead this lost sheep back to the path that is right and true (white and blue). Not so that you can publicly humiliate him and rain fire and brimstone upon him (unless you want to).

- Chief Sneak B.L.

Thank you my child, you may leave the confessional now.....so, this 'Portugueser' had been frequenting hostelries of ill repute, worshipping a game that Our Lord Ramos does not indulge in and wearing colours that should rightly burn on instant contact with a true follower of the mighty Spurs..what to do, what to do with this errant child?
My heart is heavy, my brow is vexed. I think a penance as large as mickey hazards bubble perm is in order...let us say he should walk into the bar known as 'Fenwicks' with a 20 dollar note tied around his miniscule peni and shout 'I want the skankiest ho to give me a blow'. After that, if he is truly sorry, the Lord Ramos will rid his body of impurities and he will begin the long journey back to the holy land. Or, his willy will drop off and he can go and support Chelscum with all the other ruperts. Ramos be with him.

Barry Lineker wrote:

Lord Ramos,
Far be it for me to go around telling tales on my fellow parishioner....

....however I can confirm reports that our erstwhile friend el portugueser was seen out yesterday post-evensong sporting a crimson shirt. He and his fellow egg-chasers were spotted in one of the seedier corners of Wanchai guzzling larger from a large golden chalice, in all their scarlet finery. (I just happened to get lost on my way to the library which is how I found my way in there).

Now I only tell you this in the strictest confidence so that you can try to lead this lost sheep back to the path that is right and true (white and blue). Not so that you can publicly humiliate him and rain fire and brimstone upon him (unless you want to).

- Chief Sneak B.L.

Bastard!

The top is NOT red, it is more purple if anything...

I too have now passed this tavern of reprobates known as the Wheel. May it be razed to the ground, its paltry cellars be raided and their flat-chested barmaids be violated repeatedly. I implore you all to pillage and loot at will. May the two red shirts hung in the entrance, namely that of the wicked woolwich nomads and the scouse wagon-jackers be purloined and pierced repeatedly by bow and arrow before being hooked, bedraggled, from the portcullis of Castle SiHK.

I confess to being a lot less deranged than I sound.

Then again, the sentence above could simply confirm the opposite.

HarcourtRoad wrote:

I confess to being a lot less deranged than I sound.

Then again, the sentence above could simply confirm the opposite.

You are a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma